Swayze left behind a wife of 35 years (which I find incredible, because if I become famous, I'm kicking my old lady to the curb...you hear me, you Twilight-loving wretch!? I'm not Edward!!), and almost 50 big-screen and televison roles. In his honor, I present my top 7 list of Patrick Swayze performances (in no particular order):
1) Jed in "Red Dawn" -
A rag-tag group of whiny high school kids rise up against stinky Cubans and dirty Commie bastards that take over the good ol U S of A. And they drink hot deer blood. Viva Le Wolverines!!
Plot Flaw: Sarah Palin could see Russia from her house and didn't even warn us? What a bitch.
Memorable Swayze Quote: "Well, when you grow up...then you'll know these things, Danny. Now get up here and piss in the radiator."
2) Sam in "Ghost" -
Murdered man's spirit makes pennies float and compels a psychic to protect his wife from the dude that stabbed him. Oh yeah, he also convinces every woman in the world to buy a pottery wheel. That Righteous Brothers song is surely responsible for countless out-of-wedlock pregnancies.
Plot Flaw: Whoopi Goldberg won an Oscar. Not really a plot flaw, but COME ON!
Memorable Swayze Quote: "Ditto."
3) Darrel in "The Outsiders" -
Preppies are rude, Billy the Kid uses a butterfly knife, the Karate Kid gets burned, Soul Man has an epiphany, and Swayze is the king of the greaseballs.
Plot Flaw: Diane Lane doesn't get naked
Memorable Swayze Quote: "You smoke more than a pack today and I'll skin you. Understood?"
4) Johnny in "Dirty Dancing"
Big-nosed Jewish girl goes to uppity Catskills summer camp with her parents, learns to shake her ass to somewhat tolerable 60's music, convinces father to help woman that had back-alley abortion, has sex with older man-whore, and stars in grand finale of talent show to a song from three decades in the future.
Plot Flaw: Baby is too young to drive a car, but has sex with a dude in his late 20's, and somehow everybody is okay with this? Pedophilia's never been so well received.
Memorbale Swayze Quote: "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." - except maybe her father, you creepy pederast.
5) Adrian in SNL Chippendale's sketch with Chris Farley -
Patrick Swayze - Chippendale
Uploaded by tressage. -
One of the funniest bits in Saturday Night Live history, and I just had to include it.
6) Dalton in "Roadhouse" -
Bouncer cleans up shit-kicker bar with the help of that old biker dude from Mask, shows bare ass to homely waitress, and rips out a guys throat. Jeff Healey never plays "Angel Eyes".
Plot Flaw: None, it's the perfect ass-whipping testosterone-laden man movie.
Memorable Swayze Quote: "Pain don't hurt."
7) Bodhi in "Point Break" -
Two Feds (Secreatariat lookalike and the dude from the Matrix) go undercover to infiltrate bank robbers/surfers/skydivers, many "Whoa''s" ensue, Swayze dies at the end...or does he?
Plot Flaw: Gary Busey and Keanu Reeves are the FBI agents. I'll suspend reality when watching a movie, but that's just ridiculous.
Memorable Swayze Quote: "Adios, Amigo."