I was looking forward to writing a blog about my experiences in West Palm Beach this weekend where I attended two Dave Matthews Band concerts (my 35th and 36th overall), but due to a lack of creativity, I've handed over writing duties to my primate pal, Proudess.
He came back to me today with this:
Friday, August 14, 2009
I'm so excited to go on my first ever road trip today. We're heading down to south Florida for what I'm expecting to be a debaucherous weekend of drinking booze and eating bananas and then to periodically stop chewing and looking around with an angry expression to make sure no one's plotting to steal them. I'm not big enough to drive, but I'm an excellent navigator.
We rolled into the PGA National Resort in Palm Beach Gardens in the early afternoon, and it's a gorgeous hotel. It'll sure beat sleeping in a tree.
And check out this pool area.
Here's me enjoying my first mai tai.
I need to cool off because I'm hotter than a ring-tailed lemur eyeballing a lar gibbon in May - it's a rainforest thang, you wouldn't understand.
Check it out...spider monkey
We all head back to our respective rooms and shower up. Then we drive down to the Cruzan Amphitheatre. Here's me waiting for the curtain to drop.
I decided go get myself a cold brew before the show started, and while I was swinging over to the beer stand, I ran into these two fellows. The one on the left is wearing alligator skin pants, an alligator purse, and me on his shoulder.
I found it strange that the amphitheatre has a lighthouse since we are 10 miles from the ocean. Maybe because of all the people getting ship-faced? Yeah, yeah, not a great pun, but I'm a friggin monkey, not a stand-ape comic.
Back in my seat, relaxing with a beer. There's some sort of strange smell floating in the air. It appears to be making people happier. I'm kinda hungry for Doritos.
For the next two and a half hours, we're all singing and dancing.
All that drinking did a number on my monkey bladder
Unfortunately, we didn't make it to the post party at the PGA Resort because I had passed out.
Saturday, August 15, 2009:
Woke up with an incredible headache, almost as if I'd been kicked in the head by a silverback gorilla. I need a little "hair of the monkey".
We head back down to the pool so I can soak my head in the water and fill my belly with libations. Like this vodka and lemonade for instance.
This resort made some of the most incredible mojitos, and I had several.
I was making all sorts of friends
This girl's got what I want
I got to meet another monkey at the resort, and sat on her lap. But after a brief conversation, I felt she was a bit of an airhead. And she was completely hairless, which made me feel dirty.
What is it about you humans that makes you want to do handstands every time you get into a swimming pool?
After spending all day drinking booze in the sun, I get washed up and head to Friday's where we wish this woman a happy birthday.
I start knocking back banana daquiris, because I'm a monkey and that's how we roll.
This waitress thought I was cute
We get to the concert, and I start making all sorts of new friends
We all enjoyed another great show, even with the monsoon coming down from above.
At some point at the end of the night, I passed out and slept between Tina's bosoms
Well, that's it. I don't remember anything from 11:30 pm Saturday night until they we got home at 2pm Sunday. Thanks to everyone at AntsMarching.org for such an entertaining weekend. Now I'm off to go throw my feces.