And the Academy Award goes to...my asshole?

     When the brothers Warner inevitably decide to remake Police Academy, I believe the roll of Larvell Jones - originally played by Michael Winslow - should go to my butthole.  They're both brown, and they both create amazing noises.  I've discovered over the years that due to my diet of spicy foods, my little chocolate pucker has become quite the vocal talent.  To all you Tinseltown types out there looking for a new sound-sation, my stinkstar can perfectly replicate the following sound effects:


Creaky door in a Scooby-Doo cartoon
Any Lady Gaga song
1997 Honda Accord with manual transmission and a broken muffler
An angry Donald Duck
Steamroller driving over bubble wrap
Scuba diver exhaling
A Morgan Freeman voiceover
Losing the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right
...And Many More


     Also, due to it's unique features, my bunghole could be cast as a lookalike for both Clint Eastwood and Monique and would be an ideal seat filler for either during this year's Oscars.


     So, to all the Hollywood Jews, for your consideration...my asshole.